I am writing this piece for both the purpose of personal reflection, as well as to give insight on what it is like to be an entirely self-funded Melee player from a smaller scene. Obviously, my challenges are not unique. There are plenty of strong players from relatively weak regions, and some of these regions (parts of EU, South America, AUS) are actually much more isolated from strong national/international scenes than mine. I also have the advantage of reasonable access to strong competition via North American netplay, although my particular location does not have the best internet (if you’re moving and considering Melee at all, one of your priorities should be access to an ISP that is not Spectrum). There is also an aspect of privilege in being from a weaker region in that I am able to recoup some of my costs by winning tournaments without having to beat a top 15 player. I earned about 1900 dollars from playing Melee this year, which, while nothing gobsmacking, is not an insignificant sum for a hobby. I estimate that I spent around 3800-4000 dollars on traveling/competing this year, which would put my net total costs at roughly two thousand dollars to be an active competitor. Melee is my only cash-negative hobby I spend any significant amount on, and while I recognize that not everyone has two thousand dollars of purely discretionary income to spend, I think that is actually a relatively small sum for the amount I have been able to travel, see new things, and meet new people. All in all, I attended 23 weekend tournaments ranging from small Tennessee monthlies to super majors this year, as well as a smattering of locals. To say that I have been active this year would be an understatement, and a part of me questions the schedules we seem to expect of players to be considered “active”, especially given that the majority of us are self-funded like me. I have listed all of my events and a (rough) breakdown of these costs and payouts as well at the end of this document for those curious.

In terms of the actual experience of traveling and competing so much, it is a strange mixture of loneliness and hyper sociality. As a pretty textbook introvert, going to a Melee tournament is an incredible shift in pace from my normal day to day. I work from home in a semi-isolated rural community with my two dogs and little other outside interaction. Much of my “social” life outside of Melee (and the friends I’ve made as a result) is conducted via mandatory Zoom call. Going to a tournament then, which is at its core a large gathering of people with a common interest, is simultaneously wondrous and exhausting. It is the only time I get to share my passion with those who experience it as intensely as I do, but at the same time there is the stress of constant interaction in addition to the typical physical stressors (strange food, less sleep, competition anxiety) that characterize most competitive travel. There was a stretch in late September- October where I competed five weekends in a row, and I have to say: As much as I like to mock twitter users for overuse of very online phrases like “social battery”, mine was pretty drained by the end of all that. Indeed, at the beginning of the year, I was eagerly looking forward to each event, and the lesser frequency of my travel schedule made it so that as soon as one was over, I was longing for the next one, especially if I wanted to redeem a weak performance. By contrast, when Dreamhack rolled around at year’s end, I was looking forward to being done with it all as much as the event itself. As for the loneliness, for me it is in the travel itself. Other people from my region do not travel as much as me, and the other players in my town barely do so at all (caveat: No one is obligated to travel for the game. This is not intended as a callout in any way whatsoever). This means that a very large portion of travel is done solo, through airports and long drives for days at a time by myself. I solo drove to Combo Breaker (7.5hrs), Big House (9hrs), and Dreamhack (5hrs) this year, as well as doing all my flights (4) on my own. There is something much more intensely lonely about solo travel than sitting at home, and a piece exploring why could probably fill a book, but suffice it to say that this too takes a toll, just in a different way than the interpersonal stimulation of events. Still, to be able to go to so much was a blessing, and I recognize that the vast majority of competitors cannot say that they have had the same opportunities.

In terms of results, I did not achieve my goals for the year. Indeed, I will likely be ranked lower on the top 100 this year than I was last year, which will definitely sting. I made a quiet goal in 2022 to reach top 50, and while I knew it was lofty, I also watched people I historically all but ran up the score against reach it, so I knew that it was at least possible. When I missed it, I took solace in the fact that, by putting in plenty of work and continuing to progress, I would more than likely achieve it next year…right? Ha. Given my wins/placings, I wouldn’t be surprised to wind up somewhere in the mids 70s-mid 80s, down from 67th. Not at all what I was hoping for, and honestly, outright worse than what I considered my most reasonable expectations.

This leads me to the question: Why did this happen? It’s easy, seductive even, to ascribe things to the luck of the draw, and say that I simply didn’t play well on tournament days. And that’s probably true to some extent. However, as a competitor it is always better to focus on the issues that I can change than to dwell on those I cannot, and it would demonstrate a shocking lack of not only introspection but frankly intelligence if I couldn’t point to at least some other issues that impacted my performance.

The most obvious one to me that others may not see is how much more I worked in 2023. My job was more demanding this year than the previous two by a significant margin, and so despite my excellent attendance, I had less hours of free time at home to play than I did in 2021/22. However, according to my Slippi stats, the total year-end difference really wasn’t that big, and given my increased activity level this year, I’m not even sure that I actually played less total Melee. If inadequate time invested were the issue, I think this would indicate needing to play more in general to break through to the next level (totally possible), not life pulling me away from the game and not getting the hours. This leads me to believe that the problem is more likely a matter of how I put in the time, not the amount.

The second, and one that I have publicly talked about before, is my specific weakness as a competitor with playing hard sets early on. I don’t know if it’s because I came up playing a full doubles and PM bracket before my harder Melee matches, but I really struggle if I have to play strong competition in my first few sets of the day. It is to the point that I think anyone reading this that does not know me would assume that I am exaggerating or making excuses, but the pattern has been consistent and even extreme for years now. I felt it hard at Dreamhack, Santa Paws, and finals day of Combo Breaker this year, and fell short in sets that I feel confident could have gone very differently under slightly different circumstances.

Lastly, I had an unfortunate amount of technical difficulties this year. I know controller johns are as old as the game itself, and at this point no one wants to hear them, but my phob started randomly z jumping and lightshielding with z presses in March right before Kill Roy Vol 7 and Collision. I had no adequate backup controller available, and it absolutely impacted my performance at those events in a massive way. My controller also got knocked off the desk and ceased working at Now UC Me in Cincinnati right before I played Free Palestine, leading me to DQ out of the event after a pretty pitiful set. My headphone setup also broke at Riptide, and then again had further difficulties during Santa Paws and Dreamhack. Ultimately, it is my responsibility as a competitor to show up at the tournament with adequate equipment, and my decision when I play it out anyway, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t feel like I had a pretty rough run of bad luck on this front.

How then do I plan on changing these results? If my current habits are bringing me results that are unacceptable, then they must change. I have the controller issue relatively well figured out; I now have a backup controller that I feel reasonably confident in, and play on it often enough that it doesn’t feel alien. I have also ordered a new headphone amplifier and a backup for that, which should round out my equipment issues. The one that will take the most energy to change is undoubtedly my practice habits. I get enough of my Melee in during “work hours” where I might have to stop on a dime to know that it will never be feasible to just discard unranked entirely. Instead, I must play it with greater focus and specific goals, which is why I am now keeping a Google document of both general goals for me as a player and specific goals I have in each major matchup. That also means being willing to let go of my ego in “beating” randoms (something I’ve been better about lately), and also practicing constructive self-respect in simply leaving against players who make me too unhappy to concentrate. The other night I tortured myself against an utterly degenerate Falco player and then later a Kirby for nearly an hour. Neither of them ever really did anything (in the Kirby’s case, could do anything) that beat looking at the screen harder. Wasting my time with that is not discipline. It is self-flagellation. As for my issue with needing an excessive number of ramp-up sets, I still have no answers. I have a couple of ideas (money matches before bracket, experimenting with no warm up at locals/monthlies), but in truth nothing I have real confidence in. I could also just choose not to go to tournaments that are scheduled like that, but in all honesty I think that’s a pretty lame solution and would mean missing out on some awesome events.

All of this said, I recognize that results are not the ultimate arbiter of skill. I know with absolute assurance that I am a much better player now than I was at the beginning of 2023, and VOD review backs me up on that. I will continue on into 2024 with confidence that the changes I make will yield different results, and make them I shall. I will not participate in the madness of expecting altered results without altered input. I say that knowing that is as much as a warning to myself as it is a declaration to others. It will be easy and tempting to fall back into old habits, but I must persevere in my plans for change.

Costs/Payouts Breakdown

Costs

  • Genesis- 650
  • Collision- 500
  • Combo Breaker- 600
  • The Big House- 900 (very high, lots of unplanned incidentals)
  • Riptide- 500
  • Santa Paws- 300
  • DHATL- 400 (very very expensive for what it was but I def threw my hands up and said “whatever’ multiple times, could have been cheaper)
  • Various monthlies I went negative at- 150
  • Cost=4000~

I typically stay in the venue hotel unless I can find one just massively cheaper. I pretty much never eat 3 meals a day, but do spend more than I really need to on food to experience loca/regional recommendations. I do tend to stay 3-5 people in a room at majors to keep costs down. I always take the cheapest flights available unless the difference between a direct/non-red eye is fairly small. Some of these flights I paid in credit card points, but recorded here as if I had not to give people an idea of total costs. All in all, I think I do things cheaply by normal people standards but pretty middle of the road by smash player standards, given some of the legendary stories of cost cutting I have heard.

Est Winnings

  • ETSUcon: 350

  • CC#7: 50

  • SHL 13: 50

  • RR #3: 50

  • RR #1: 50

  • CC11: 125

  • Luigi’s Mansion: 350

  • WMILE #2: 250

  • DNG: 100

  • Raiser M Series: 400

  • Assorted Weeklies/Netplay Events: 175

  • Winnings: 1900~

  • Total cost: 2100~

Events attended

Weeklies

  • 5x BG weekly
  • 3x Rockettown weekly
  • Smashing Grounds 29.4 (Shine Prelocal)
  • Cat5 Combos #2 (Collision Prelocal)

Weekend tournaments

  • Genesis 9: 1/20 - 1/22
  • Cardinal Collision #7: 2/4 (KY Monthly)*
  • DNG Showdown: 02/11 (KY Monthly)*
  • Kill Roy Vol 6: 3/4
  • Collision 2023: 3/10 - 3/12
  • Short Hop Lazer 13: 3/18 (TN Monthly)*
  • ETSUcon 2023: 4/1*
  • Rockettown Rumbe #1: 4/22*
  • Combo Breaker 2023: 5/26 - 5/28
  • (Had COVID virtually all of June, notably missed Tipped Off)
  • Rockettown Rumble #3: 7/1 (TN Monthly)*
  • Now UC Me: 7/22
  • WWIII: 7/29
  • Shine 2023: 8/25 - 8/27
  • Riptide 2023: 9/8 - 9/10
  • Cardinal Collision 11: 9/16 (KY Monthly)*
  • TN Arcadian 2023 (Doubles/Spectator): 9/30
  • Kill Roy Vol 7: 10/7
  • WMILE 2: 10/14 (TN Monthly)*
  • The Big House 11: 10/20 - 10/22
  • Luigi’s Mansion: 10/28*
  • Hard Knox Melee: 11/25 (TN Monthly)*
  • Santa Paws: 12/09 - 12/11
  • DHATL: 12/16 - 12/17

* = won the event